All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i barfeds in our rink
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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