I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
