I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize