Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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