Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
