my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
