Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
