all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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