Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
