That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
