honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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