3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
