Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
