the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
