I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
