I just threw up on my dentist
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Randomize
