to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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