i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
