I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
