he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
