you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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