I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That's intense
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
