note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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