i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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