Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
