I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
