So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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