Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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