i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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