i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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