They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
