He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
