Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
