I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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