my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
