Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
