I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
