White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
