it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
