it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
