In the future we'll all be gay
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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