I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
