shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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