I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
