So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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