if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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