he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
