yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
