i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
