so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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