Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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