Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
