I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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