"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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