so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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