you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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