Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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