I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
