I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
