i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
