i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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