i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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