you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
