Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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