i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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