Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
