I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
