life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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