isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
